With Valentine’s Day just around the corner I’m starting to loose sleep. No, not because I have a special lady in my life but because there’s a lady I’d like to have special sex with. I met this girl the other day at the gym. She’s perfect. And by perfect, I mean smoking hot. Her personality is probably great but who cares, right? Judge me in a minute because in order to have a passionate XXX night with this woman I have to sit through the worst movie ever made: Titanic. Oh, and I have to sit through it in 3D because that’s how it’s being re-released. Do you not have enough money, James Cameron?!? Sorry, I’ll try and compose myself. But, there is one good thing about this whole Titanic nonsense, I get to fuck this chick after our date. I know this because she told me that she wants to have sex with me but would prefer if I took her out somewhere first and she decided on seeing Titanic. Anyway, this whole business got me thinking about boat sex. After the jump, I hope you’ll be thinking about it too.
If you’re lucky enough to own a boat or have access to one you should make sure you have sex on it. The only time I’ve ever had gotten any sort of XXX action on a boat was when I was in my early twenties and went on a cruise with some friends. There was this Japanese chick who I got drunk with one night and she decided it would be in her best interest to blow me under the stars at 3am when no one else was around on the upper deck. It was beautiful.
By the way, the girl who is dragging me to see Titanic looks exactly like Kylie Ireland so now you understand why I’m willing to sit through the most boring love story since…Love Story. Have you seen Miss Ireland? She’s a goddess. I’d give my left nut to have sex with her. Wait. No. I’d need my left nut to have sex with her.
The big date is going down on Saturday which means I have to watch a bunch of free porn that features boat sex and nautical nookie until then. I spend enough time watching free porn anyway that it won’t take away from my everyday activities of dreaming about getting it on with Kylie Ireland in the most XXX fashion, off the starboard bow, yelling “I’m the king of the world!”
Tags: Free Porn, Kylie Ireland, Sex, XXX